the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
