They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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