I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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