At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
