she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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