I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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