so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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