South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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