by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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