covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
