imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
jump out the window naked night went bad
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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