So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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