So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
