its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
