shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
