Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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