I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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