it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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