I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
