mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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