Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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