I should be sponsored by Trojan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
