Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
