Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
