when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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