So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize