so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
