I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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