My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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