she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.