Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
