i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We left the knife in your bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
