quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
