I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
