remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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