Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In America we eat man semen.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He did a backflip because drugs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
