No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
