After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
