I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate all girls vehemently.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
