i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
