I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
