come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
