You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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