If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
