1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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