dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
