This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
