we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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