I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
