dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
