Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
