They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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