it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
