he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
