Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drunk is not a location!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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