The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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