The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost the right to judge tonight
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
