my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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