Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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