I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
