Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
