he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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